the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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