Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
