Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
