I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
