I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
