I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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