Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
