i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
