my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
