someone threw a dead crab at me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
