He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
