and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
