i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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