it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
