Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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