Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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