Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
