So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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