I wish you could order shots online.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
