like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
