Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
