I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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