i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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