Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
