he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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