i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
