I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
