the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
