my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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