I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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