I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
