Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
