Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
