U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
