sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
