My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
