Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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