What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
