wat bout pragnant strippers??
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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