I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
