2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
