You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
