Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
