they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
