Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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