at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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