Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
