Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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