i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
