apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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