dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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