i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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