its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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