also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
